A Fate

I.

There´s clarity of mind,

Now that I´ve left you behind,

Now that I don´t care for anyone,

Sometimes there is too much Sun,

So today I am glad to shut the light out

Pretend that there is no-one or nothing.

The cold soft snow cools my feet,

As I tread on into the cold and out of your sight,

Pale cold light, gives me insulation,

The silence of snow, the quiet and the cold,

I am alone in the snow walking peacefully in thought,

Thoughts about places, cold and high, with

Trees like spires,

Each one a Cathedral of the Earth,

To walk on through this.

Away from pain away from dirt,

Away from what I cannot escape,

Our destiny is to be far apart

Apple of my heart.

But I do not know our destiny either,

So I can´t truly say, except that our destiny is

to be apart now.

What did I hope for what did I see?

What did you think that we could be?

Friends forever you wrote to me, but with Red Roses and Hearts…

Roses and Hearts, Red. What I read, was not what you said.

Time now is mine, I am lord and master of my fate,

A fate which I do not know,

But which itself already half unfolded,

Seems to be present with me as I walk alone.

Sad eyes and a sad heart,

I dreamed I went inside my heart,

And I found myself knee deep in blood.

Waterfalls of blood, beaches and seas of blood,

With the stars shining up above,

But blood not of fear or death,

Good, delicious blood, warm and lovely.

In my heart there are these waterfalls,

Beaches with stars and sky,

There is warmth despite the cold snow I walk in.

My blood is a fine place,

And you are invited and allowed,

If you can walk through its walls of clouds.

II.

I dreamed I went insider my heart,

And it was warm in there,

Waterfalls and rivers of blood,

Cool mountain streams and forests,

Nourished by my own red life blood.

I dreamed I went inside my heart,

And I wasn´t alone,

There was someone perfect,

Walking with me,

On the edge of the ocean in my heart,

And the stars shone down in the darkness,

From its walls.

And on the beach I walked with her,

With oceans on either side,

And eventually the beach disappeared and

We were swimming under moonlight,

Towards a mountain, towards land,

But the sea was nourishing delicious, warm blood,

And under the water your hand found my hand.

Outside the walls of my heart deserts bloom,

With sadness, loneliness and spines of pain,

But inside, I am showered in hot waterfalls,

Of warm radiant, red liquid, glistening in the Sun.

Inside I am never alone.

III.

Sat in the mountains, surrounded by snow,

I found what it is that I wanted to know,

There was light inside all along,

And a perfect world inside my heart,

Pristine love dawns as I empty my mind

Of jealousy, doubt, fear and what I thought I´d find.

When I go into this perfect place,

I see green oak trees leaves, blown by the breeze

And I am still and solid and joy is mine,

And when I know myself and what I am to be,

You appear in my garden and come to me,

And there is no doubt, there is no-one else,

You come to me by yourself.

When the world attacks the mind making it fall,

I´ll go into my heart and find this waterfall,

And I´ll find happiness again.

When I remember that I need nothing and no-one,

Because I have peace,

Joy will overflow,

And there will be nothing but dazzling beautiful light.

There in the fields and mountains in my heart,

We´ve been walking from the start.

Speaking Practice

 

John: Hello, nice to meet you my name’s John I’m from Canada, I’m a business man. What’s your name?

Rebecca: Hi John, my name’s Rebecca I’m from Alaska, I am a receptionist. I see you’ve got a new car, how much was it?

John: I don’t know, it was a present from my wife, she bought it for me last week.

Rebecca: That’s nice. I don’t have a car, could you take me home in the evening?

John: Yes, I wouldn’t mind.

Aladin: What would you like Rebecca?

Rebecca: I’d like the fish. I’d like it in the special sauce, I’d like some cheese and I would like a bottle of wine. What would you like Aladin?

Aladin: I’d like the magic steak, and I would like it with chips. Let’s ask the waitress if there are any biscuits or if there is any milk. I would like some tomato sauce.

Aladin: I like to play golf on the weekends.

John: That’s a stupid sport Aladin.

Aladin: What do you do on the weekends John?

John: I usually sit at home and read a newspaper, sometimes I go for a walk. What about Rebecca? Does she do any hobbies or sports?

Aladin: No she doesn’t. She sits at home and watches TV in the evenings, she does housework and she’s always busy, but she doesn’t do sport. Sometimes we go together to the stadium, and sometimes we go out to eat.

Aladin: My family is coming for my birthday on the 15^th.

Rebecca: When is your birthday? I though it was in June. I thought it was on the 24^th.

Aladin: No it isn’t, it’s on the 15^th of December and my brother, his wife, my sister and her husband are coming to visit. My Mum’s cousin’s son Jimmy Junior is coming too.

Rebecca: I bought you a DVD for your birthday last year. Would you like one this year?

Aladin: You know I don’t have a DVD player, so why do you buy me DVDs?

Aladin: I’m taking Rebecca on a trip for our anniversary.

John: Where are you going?

Aladin: I was thinking, I would like to go to the country. But she likes shopping and she likes the city.

John: Go to Keswick. There are hills and mountains, there’s a river and there is a lake. It is a small town so there are also shops, and it’s cheap. I went there last year. It was nice.

Aladin: You said that it rained a lot. You also said that it was boring. You said that when you got married and went there on your honeymoon, you left after three days and went to Tahiti.

Rebecca: I was really happy when I was at school. I studied hard. I lived with my Mum and my Dad. They worked in a mine. They were unhappy and poor. But I was happy.

John: When did you meet Aladin?

Rebecca: It was Christmas Eve and there were children singing carols in the street. I forgot to light the fire so the house was very cold. It was snowing. I became ill, and Aladin came to the house to visit with Jimmy Junior, his Mum’s cousin’s son. He wanted to cook a goose, and he did. We ate goose, sang songs and we had a good time.

Speaking Practice 3

Rebecca: How was work dear?

Aladin: It was alright. I met some new people because the company has new people. There is a woman, her name is Carolina, she’s an artist, she’s from Sydney, Australia and she likes swimming, going to the cinema and cats. There is a man, his name is George, he’s a lawyer and he likes to do sport. He said that golf is a stupid sport.

Rebecca: It is a stupid sport darling. Where is George from?

Aladin: He was born in Mongolia, but he’s lived his whole life in USA. Yankee Doodle.

John: I’d like to go to the steak house tonight. Would you and Rebecca like to come with me and my wife? They are showing a game of Football on the big screen.

Aladin: I would like to. I will have to ask Rebecca if she’s not busy watching TV.

John: Your Mum’s cousin’s son Jimmy Junior is coming too. It should be great fun. Do you remember the steak house? It’s got a big TV. There is bar, and there are arm chairs where we can sit and drink beer.

Aladin: Rebecca, John’s asked if we’d like to go to the steak house tonight.

Rebecca: Yes. But I have to watch television for a few hours first. There are so many bad quality shows with morally void scripts and ridiculous characters that I must watch.

Aladin: Get your coat Rebecca, we’re going out.

Rebecca: I don’t know where my coat is. Also I’ve lost my shoes, have you seen them? Also, I don’t have anything to wear. All I’ve got is this old dress with holes in it.

Aladin: What happened to the rest of your clothes Rebecca? Where are your jeans? Where are your t-shirts? Where is the fancy dress I bought you last year?

Rebecca: It all got burnt when the house burnt down. Don’t you remember?

Aladin: No, I don’t remember, I’m repressing it because it was a painful experience because my pet fish died. Put on your dress with holes in it and let’s go. Your shoes are under the kitchen table. And your keys are in the front door.

John: I’m glad that you could come Aladin and Rebecca.

Rebecca: Nice to see you John and Aladin’s Mum’s cousin’s son Jimmy Junior, it’s been a long time. I know that you are German and don’t speak English but that’s OK.

John: What would you like to eat and drink?

Rebecca: I would like some strawberries. Can I have some strawberries please?

John: Have you got any strawberries waitress?

Rebecca: I would also like an apple and some biscuits. I’d like some cheese and some orange juice. I don’t usually eat dinner at nine o’clock.

John: I always eat dinner at nine o’clock. I would like some meat. I’d like some jam on toast and I’d also like an egg. Can I have some milk?

Rebecca: Tell me more about Carolina and George.

Aladin: Well, Carolina is an artist. I told you that. She is clean and friendly. She is 29 years old and she lived in Ireland. I asked her about Ireland. She said that there are lakes, and there is a beach, but the water is cold. She said that in Ireland there are markets and there are also many Irish people.

Rebecca: I’d like to go to Ireland. I was looking on the internet and I found a house which we can rent for a week on the 5^th of July. It has 4 bedrooms, two bathrooms, a gym, a sauna, a kitchen and three living rooms. It also has furniture, a cooker and a bed.

05 November 2009 17 29

When you finally think you’ve got things together a whirlwind of chaos opens the door and throws all your tidy papers up in the air. Not literally of course, unless you take you papers to the beach or something, which would be dumb, people don´t do that for this reason. What I meant by the metaphor was that life doesn´t seem to have a break in it. Or at least there will always be something going on in order to make you nervous, worried or unhappy. Perhaps another metaphor is needed, perhaps it´s more like the higher that you climb, the steeper that it gets, and you have to increase your fear and your wits as you go along, since there doesn´t seem to be a point where you can actually “let go” and relax for a while. It did seem that way this morning, but it was illusionary. No such place exists, unless it´s in free-fall, unless it´s in total renunciation of the world and obliviousness to it. I look out the window and the trees in the evening Sun look placid, serene swaying in the wind. But that´s nothing more than my own association with a less abrasive time of the day, with long forgotten summers, in parks and on beaches, times when time didn´t mean anything. Trees don´t feel anything, humans do. But in opposition to what I´ve said, it is in frustration and in hardship that anything of any true significance is achieved. When the climb is harder, the summit is even more beautiful. When the wind and rain in your face is the fiercest, that´s when the thrill of riding in a storm is the greatest. More metaphors. Does it make me feel any better? No. But it gives me a little resolve, and in a sense it is reassuring, since I was beginning to lapse into a sort of confusional directionlessness.

Today Tuesday 13th October 2009

I woke up at about 10 am, I can´t be certain, that´s the time I finally dragged myself out of bed, with determination to find what I had lost the previous day. I realised that I had had terrible dreams in the early hours of the morning brought on by that cat´s incessant meowing. The cat indeed had gone through some emotional problems and made massive protests outside of my window at about 7 am, I remember since I glanced at the clock in half sleep while it was happening, semi-consciousness is not pleasant in these situations. It´s similar to being trapped on a packed subway, while there is a screaming child close by, the mother has already got used to the sound of it and thus is impervious to the child´s wailing, but you, are caught with no escape, and can only resort to a state of semi-consciousness in order to escape the pain of the screaming. After waking, I prepared myself a toast, spread peanut butter on it and then boiled water, which I poured into a yellow cup, placed a tea bag into it and then stirred with a spoon. I then went to the fridge, and poured the rest of the milk into the cup, it was insufficient. I went to the larder and brought a carton of milk, which I cut open with a large sharp knife. The knife´s ease of cutting through the cardboard carton gave me satisfaction, not that I celebrated it, not that I even acknowledged it. I had previously appreciated the knife´s clean power and sleek design in the presence of both my mother and my sister, to their bemusement. My appreciation is aesthetic, but also practical, since I associate and use the knife merely as a cooking instrument. It´s sharpness and balanced power is a contrast to the knives that I have used for cutting tomatoes for example in times when I have prepared food, for myself and others, in which the knife´s inadequate blade would bruise and squash rather than cleanly cut through the sandwiches. After breakfast I contemplated the Sun of the day and played with the idea of swimming in the sea. I ruminated for considerable time, unsure of the commitment of the Sunshine and blue sky, would it merely tease me with its illumination and warm rays on my face, before hiding away like a childish girl unsure of her desire? Or would it stay with me, with lusty and fiery permanence, burning me with it´s persistent and unavoidable presence. At 12 pm, I realised that the second consideration was the true one, and came to a decision. I put my red shorts on, Sun screen on my arms, a thick white viscose liquid that was difficult to permeate. I put my black cap on my head to shield me, and sun glasses, in order to lessen the impending glare and brightness, of eyes, which are not evolutionarily prepared for tropical Sun. Swimming in the sea was blissful, the water illuminated to a bright blue in the Sun, it´s waves were calm and ebbed rather than splashed with the wind. As I took my red shorts off, further out, in order to enjoy some freedom, I observed a boat painted with rainbows and Suns and Stars fast approaching my position in the water. From their higher vantage point on the boat I wondered whether the cruising party would be able to see my state of nudity further below the water´s surface. The answer at that moment was not something I was sure of, especially, since I had never had the opportunity to observe naked swimmers from an elevated situation on a large speedboat. With this in mind I quickly and decisively made myself decent. And in my red swimming shorts I began once again to swim, quite normally, as if nothing had happened.Nothing much happened that´s worth recalling after this time period, so it´s probably not worth noting down, however, there may have been discussions between my elderly mother and my cat, although it would be deceitful of me to try to give the exact details of this since I did not pay, I confess, total attention to them. The future of today, and for that matter the rest of this life, is something I shall contemplate further, later this afternoon, and possibly into the early evening, since, this morning, at about 12 midday, with the Sun directly above shining down vertically on the plants and trees outside, I found what I had lost yesterday: my Hope.

Haiku 2

To Japan I go

I shall do some more Haiku

It´s the thing to do

 

 

 

God looks down on me

He is high and he is great

Sad as I could be

 

 

 

Nothing in this world

Obscuration of the mind

Something I must find

 

 

 

Time to be alone

There is no-one in the world

That can comfort me

 

 

 

Alone shall I sit

Waiting for the time to pass

Sadness fills my eyes

 

 

 

Changes in the self

Giving up on childish ways

I am old today

 

 

 

Time to go to bed

To dream, to sleep, really deep

To some better place

Haiku

Let´s write some Haiku

It´s fun and it´s easy too

A Child could do it

 

 

Ruined buildings fall

While confluent rivers meet

The scene is stormy

 

 

The stitches open

As the blood begins to rush

Old wound is now death

 

 

Hamster hides away

Accomplice to the evil

There is no escape

 

 

Sausage found in fridge

It is old but seems OK

Old man eats today

 

 

Monkey holds balloons

Flying through the air he moons

Cheeky ape he is

 

 

Scintillating thoughts

Dark eyes stare with obsession

Thoughts are mine to see

 

 

Coloured up so high

Underneath the stars we lie

They belong to us

 

 

 

Snowflake falls on Earth

It is cold and white as death

Squirrel must hide nuts

 

 

Air is warm and still

It is hard to breathe in here

Open the window

 

 

Time of day is fine

It is now our place to rhyme

Find the perfect line

Political Discourse I

The man standing at the hands of the crowds begged for mercy. He pleaded his innocence.

“I don´t care.” Said the man in charge.

“Thieves ought to be hanged. Thieves are the scourge of the Piscean Age. We are beyond that now. As a race we have overcome the petty and unforgivable sins of our predecessors. We have become aware that our lives are purposeful and that the Grand Master has set us up for disappointments as well as happinesses. It is not our duty to hurt others, to take from others, but to help them in the community spirit. My job here, my job, which has been made clear to me by the Grand Master is to kill all thieves, to kill the killers, the rapists, the liars, the people who hold our human race back.”

The crowds cheered at the President’s speech.

“We are at an evolutionary bottleneck. The weak are the ones who hold our society back. The weak are the strong, they are the ones who disrespect our code of law, our code of conduct, our basic commandments sent to us by the Grand Master.”

More cheers from the crowd. The thief, proven and found guilty shook his shackles and menaced the sky with fearful shouts.

“Citizens of this world, I call upon you to betray the thieves in your midst. I call upon you to be unforgiving to the ones who have robbed you seven times, for it is decried that on the eighth time, they shall not be forgiven, that they shall be put to death. It is now in our power to forward our evolution. The Grand Master has chosen those who do not lie, those who are good to continue, to breed and to create a race that is honest and adheres to the law that has been handed down since ancient times. We are at the crossroads where we are now able to genetically wipe out the scourge of our world. We are at the pinnacle in time where there will be no hiding for the thieves. The killers of old will now have their sons and their sons´ sons, wiped out. The genes which govern SIN, have now been found. We have discovered that thieves are genetically formed. But we do not need to blood test everyone on Earth. All we have to do is to wipe them clean off the face of the Earth.”

The thief in chains whimpered. The thief in chains urinated himself while the crowd clapped in unified order.

“Citizens, you work hard, you play by the rules, you don´t take what is not yours, you don´t kill, steal, rape, you are respectful and you work in your places in society. You who do not break the rules deserve to multiply. The children of thieves deserve death by their fathers’ own hands. The few who walk the path of righteousness shall go through the gate. That gate is here. It is an evolutionary gate. The Grand Master has set it out. It shall commence now. The Guillotine is set, the fire is lit on the path that the many are now on, and they shall perish.”

The thief was then taken and placed on a wooden block. His head was decapitated by Death himself. Men in suits, holding medical equipment stood waiting in the midst of the crowd.

Mystery

You are not a deer, you are not a fawn or a small bird,

Your eyes are not those of a beautiful and delicate creature of the forest.

They reflect the light the way most eyes do.

So what do I see in you?

I see the madness of an imprisoned soul,

The life and hope without a goal,

I see your disasters waiting to happen,

Already happened.

I see your young heart dissolved and broken,

And your confirmed hiding within the world, from its self,

A resigning and frustrated hope with no more forward thought,

But dwelling in the past and in the imagined past and present,

The place I´ll find you hiding.

You smile that smile to warm the world,

But I see the unhappy life in your nocturnal eyes,

I see the world that you have come to recognise,

And I recognise you, for what you are and what you see,

And thoughts that have once passed though me are the same thoughts

That you have, hope is something that will never be fulfilled,

It will only be damaged and degraded until you stop hoping.

And once this is done then you are really dead.

But I wish you not do die, not inside,

For you are no deer , nor goose nor fawn nor fowl,

You are not of that same kind,

You are one with a noble and poetic mind.

The mystery to me is not who you are, or what you are,

It is not what you hope for, nor what is beneath,

Though those are seductive things which you possess,

The mystery of your self is of what becomes,

Of those reflective and saddening eyes,

Of what becomes of your fine thoughts,

And your ardent words,

What the future hasn´t told,

And how you deal with that destined cold.

I do not want, nor wish nor pine,

Though I see that you and I are of the same kind,

And even though at some other time,

At some other time, I might have wished you,

To be on my side.

Stranger you are hidden in your shelter of thoughts and dreams,

Stranger you are in you inner world filled with incense smoke,

And burning scented flowers,

Cherishing hours,

Spending time, like a prisoner,

But also hunting down, enemies, like a phantasm in the night,

Gleaming eyes reflecting not the moon´s light, but the star´s light,

In the darkest hours, cherished hours, find your way,

I am not waiting for you here in the day.

Like I said I am lost hope,

Though the hope that I see in you is something that rubs

My jaded skin, perhaps I can find it once again.

And then I´ll tell you what was going on outside,

I won´t make you leave your shelter behind,

You shall know that the world is fine,

That the blind lead the blind,

That the land falls into the sea,

And that the sea becomes land,

That God now works through human hand,

I´ll tell you that the lowest of the low are the kings of the land,

That the Sphinxe´s mystery is now common knowledge,

Though it´s temporary knowledge,

That the value of dust,

Is the price of a man.

What would you like to know my dear one?

I am out in the burning, kindling, fiery Sun,

And the oppression is great but the warmth is good too,

Taste my lust if you want a taste of the outside,

The spirit of desire is the light that illuminates the world,

But it became sin when it did not commit its ardent love,

When it was fickle and melted like the wax in the fire.

Taste my lust, for you are no deer, nor fawn nor fowl,

You are the changing tide the rhythm and the passive water´s side,

You are human mind and melancholy love in the absence of pride,

My dear sweet Mystery, time and space are no separation,

Only mysterious is the course of fate.

The World Turns

I haven’t gone anywhere

I’m still here

I haven’t seen anyone

Or spoken to anyone

I’m just listening for your voice

Time has stood still for me

In this cold and mouldy room

If you stand still for long enough

And keep quiet for long enough

You slowly begin to hear the world

Moving

Turning on its daily trip, rolling

Towards the place where it began one year ago,

Or exactly seven thousand years ago

Or maybe it’s the sound of the moon

Circling me over and over again

But never coming close enough to touch

Yet here I still am

I don’t wait for you, I haven’t got

The time to wait for the ice caps to melt,

Though it is said that those pure waters are

Rushing quicker than they seem.

I haven’t gone anywhere

I’m still here

The Well

 

Fred fell down a well,

Oh well.

Oh well, oh well.

 

Fred fell down a well,

And is in a predicament now.

 

What was that well doing there?

Why was it there,

“And why the hell am I here,

In this well”

 

“Now I am in this well,” he thought.

“What hell,

What hell, what hell.

I am now trapped in a well.”

 

Fred felt hard done by,

By being in a well.

But some aspects of the well,

Were compensatory.

 

In the well,

Fred began a long process of,

Self analysis.

 

The first question he asked himself,

Why he was in the well?

Was answered by a man passing by.

Riding a camel,

Through a needle’s eye.

 

“Anything is possible.”

Said the African camel rider.

 

Down in the well.

Down in hell.

Fred saw a miracle pass before his eyes.

 

The second question he asked,

“Why can’t I get out of the well?”

Was not answered.

 

“If anything is possible,

Why can’t I get out of my well?”

 

Just then,

Dani the girl fell down the well,

Oh well.

Oh well, Oh well.

Fred was now accompanied by,

Dani the girl.

In a whirl, in a whirl.

In his well.

 

“Nice well,” She said,

“You come here often?” She added.

“Not so often” he answered.

“Just the once.”