14 02 2014

Walking out towards a place in the forest,
You follow, as I cut through the path,
Cold, it’s night, cold, there is ice,
Though the world is dry, cold the
World around is a frozen death,
All of summer’s life lies rotten
Dead on the ground as we walk
Crunching dead leaves, colourless,
Dead. Follow me, along this path
Icy world, yet dry, cold yet dry,
Crisp, our breath joins in a smokey
Merging of warm moist evaporated air,
I touch your hair, you ask me, nothing.

Walking through branches, through leaves,
Seeing the world through the Moon’s solemn
Deathly light. Ah, here we are. This is it,
You walk close to inspect, and the chill
Overwhelms, shivering now, in its presence,
So cold, so unbelievably cold, chilled to
The bone, through your coat, gloves, scarf,
Through your skin, and flesh and almost to
Your bones protecting that little heart
Squishing away at your lovely warm blood,
Keeping you warm for me. Oh, but here we
Are. See, now, under a haze of stars,
Cold which reaches down through the galaxy.

Cold which comes light years down,
From the Other side of the Sun,
That lovely heart, squishing out
Warm bloody infra-red blood,
Keeping you warm for me. Oh, but
We’re here now, so take a look,
Have a peak, under the couple of
Lonely stars and a solemn funereal
Moon. The trees keep clear, away from
The centre. A freezing block, a cube
Of pure cold granite. Colder than ice,
Colder than death’s silence, not as cold
As the beams which come down from space.

But, cold enough, you shudder and grip
Yourself from shivering. You stare mesmerised
Beauty is in its stillness, a gleaming
Crystaline beauty, shimmering, in the
Low lights of night, shimmer like
Frost on leaves, dark crystaline
Granite. Still, and solid, serene
Beauty. You marvel at the marble,
And I marvel at you, bracing yourself
Not to shiver, and shudder at the total
Exposure out here in pure dark, in pure
Annihilating emptiness, where all life
Keeps away. “What do you think it is?” I ask.

At the centre of a vortex, stillness, miles away
The winds cloud up hurricane all around,
All around this central point which lies still.
“It’s your love.” She says to me, unfathomable
Untouchable, freezing, intense block.
Supercold. Hypercold, unmovable, block.
“I’ve got feelings” I tell her. Out here,
Is no-one, the most isolated place on Earth,
Just me and you and this block of absolute zero.
I look at her and the need for her blood
To warm me is intense. Heat flows into
My block from her, and from my total deathly
Stillness, my frozen crystaline light mesmerises her.

Blue Fire

3 02 2014

Two blue flames, orbs of ice, globes
Of deep blue water, frozen a void
Of black in the middle of each. Blue
Eyes staring into me through abyss
Blue like deep sky on the evenings
When the tide is far out under a
Far out Moon. Eyes the colour of far
Out blue, flecked by Moon white,
Close up. In my oblivion of sleep,
Those eyes, close up. Blond hair,
Luscious curves, at the bus stop
Totally naked, me and her, making
Love. At the matter stop,

Twenty pairs of eyes do not
See, only your eyes deeper than
Blue flame, flecked by Moon,
Awaken our lust, your eyes
Grasping, pulling as the gravity
Of two massive blue stars, enough
To fold the universe in on itself.
What is it that you see staring at me?
I see the bright void in the centres
Of those eyes annihilating itself
With the fury of bright blue Suns,
Blue flame hotter than anything on Earth
At the bus stop your body and mine.

As I lay in my sleep your
Eyes don’t flinch don’t blink, not
A distracted dreaming stare, no.
But rather a look that does
Not possess, nor draw in, orbs
That pour out annihilating
Aggression. Pouring out deep blue
Fire out of your nothingness and
Into my nothingness. Can you see the
Void at the centres of my brown eyes,
How I destroy you just as you destroy me?
By the roadside making love, shining
Light on those who don’t see, destroying,

Those like tiny specks of dust, whose eyes
Only look out, but never in, never in
Their own, or into those of another,

Perfect destruction

30 01 2014

Do nothing often the best
Course of action, red and
Black, perfect line of fire
Descending the white icy slope
Slowly careening in the distant
Mountain, perfect peak descending
Flame. Do nothing, behind
The panoramic window, I’m
Going to love you until
The heaven starts to rain. Do
Nothing as the trees below
Celebrate in red flame and black
Fire, line of fire descending,

Through the canopy. The
Mountain is alive with flame
Silently, slowly in the far
Distance, it descends soundlessly
In a perfect dream of destruction.
I’m going to love you until
The stars fall from the sky
Oh you and I. Beautiful
Twilight above the serene
Mountain, a star twinkles.
Perfect evening, soft green,
Soft white light. Snow
Capped perfect peak above,

A sea of green forest, luscious
Life. Descending inferno, far
Off turning the forest to black
With red cutting downward
Along the steep like a glowing
Knife. Suddenly, lava careens
Right past my panoramic
Window from the left, like
A speeding race car. Black and
Red, lava! lava! Still soundless
Outside the window. Do nothing.
Perfectly safe inside. Black and
Red, smoking lava, now the,

Window starts to melt. The
Panoramic window is melting!
Glass melting. And caving in
black, red, fire, flame, lava
Careening outside like an excited
Puppy. Come on, come on now
Touch me babe, can’t you
See that I am not afraid.
The rocks rain down, the
Star twinkles on, flame
And fire all around, black
Liquid rock smoldering all
Around. Do nothing, often the best…

Course of action. No action.
Now the lava surrounds me
On an island in my ruined Look Out,
Flaming lava like a puppy
Looking up at me with sad
Eyes, destructive puppy, I own
You. You are mine. Sweet beautiful
Burning fire all around, now I
Touch you with my hand, liquid
Fire parts where I walk. Destructive
Force, listening to the sound
Of my voice, surrounding me on
Rocky ground. Now your flames,

Are still. Darkening night
Ending twilight, red and black
Fire in darkness, you have
Reached me in a blaze of pure
Beautiful death. Do something,
Best course of action, you said.
So here you lie as embers
Pacified. Glowing low orange
Colours in the night, waiting for
My breath to reignite. So I breathe
Softly on your face, insane destructive
Fires pacified, with my breath you
Are mine, embers glow, your longing eyes.


27 01 2014

I’ve got a bag, inside is nothing
Not nothing entirely, just a void
Avoid, pulsating with the
Entire energy of the universe.
Inside the bag is everything
Bright energy in darkness
But you’re not interested.
Somnambules walking around in
Dirty light, noise and dust
Billiard balls rolling inexorably in dark
Clatter and fall, in a freefall
That hurts forever, with no
Indication or sight of ground.

All that they feel is a slight
Air, and a sinking, as they go down
An infinite puzzle of pieces that
Never fit, a keleidoscope
Shimmering silver and read triangles
Forever floating and forming
Sweet shimmering radiance of
Darkness I’ve got right here
By my foot in the tattered
Plastic bag. My eyes get
Tired when I see faces, legs
And torsos, and hips walking
Following a line of thread,

Which they draw to their
Bodies through the nose.
Invisible thread, blue thread that
Becomes a part of them as they
Draw it in, thinking it will
Lead them out of this maze.
But the only thing it reveals
Is death, where a thousand
Million balls of blue thread lay
Tangled. Corpses of messed
up, tangled thread. A kitten
Plays with it on the outside
Lifting the tangles then dropping,

Them again. The guard to the
Gates of Hades, feline ball of
Fluff, unable to cut the insiduous
Blue thread, visiting the maze
Once in a while for food and
Love while playing on the outside
The rest of the time. You say
You need a book with the answers
In it. Look in here, if you wish.
No, not interested, just a dirty
Bag, and falling to pieces,
You must be careful, or the entire
Cosmos will spill out and annihilate.

They’re tied up in their thread
But I got thread too, warp and woof
Some imagine they are all front
With no back, but their noses are
Strung like fish following lines
Of longitude, altitude, destined,
Tied in to their deaths on the edges
Of the maze, haze of blue, cotton
Stringy, knotty, thread all of it
Alive, pulling, its sleeping bodies
Towards that great tangle, where
Kitten plays, yeah! Kitten!
Kitten will look, inside this bag,

And learn its secretarium, swamp
Of mangled branches, mystic bones
Not alone, oh kitten, psionic
Play, in time, kitten lifts
And drops the line, on the edge
Of the abyss. Kitten plays with thread
Which you follow and turn into,
Without looking inside the bag
To wander and marvel, never knowing
What you missed, trapped and hooked
On your line, never knowing blistering
Light which shines with the ray of
What’s inside here. Kitten plays,

Hidden just outside your reality
Of string, untied, pawing a book
Full of answers, never needing to
Read, shimmering silver squares
And circles, like snowflakes
Rising from the door, a door which
You imagined, and never existed, a
Door which that string seems to lead
To and from. You always need some
Thing, new, an animal. A book of
Answers. Questions are your
Cutting though, so beware of the
disappointment which will be contained,

In that book. Dinner is quite a good
Idea, if I am hungry. If I’m not,
I’ll look down at the stars, from
This not so lonely place, where
Nothing lacks, and obliterates
Desire, where the kitten nibbles
Like a rabbit, when the trees
No longer sigh in a rustic scene
But rather, explode with dazzing
Shining energy, and no lust exists
And no threads are tangles, but
Bounding unwound, ecstacy without
End, but just don’t look in the bag.


22 01 2014

The holes in the net catch the shining fish,
Caught by the holes, the net and the water,
Like I was caught.
What kind of trap did you choose this life?
I trapped myself in a train of thought.

The fly strikes hard and true,
Into the web, rolling itself up tight,
In those lines that stick like glue.
I chained myself to the idea of my career,
Stable faces on a daily basis,
Predictable outcomes and also,
To my idea that this was a good occupation,
Neither high, nor low, but ok for this ego.
The reasons I got caught in this are also
Webs in themselves.

The bird is caught by the wind,
To escape flight, to escape the
Constant pressure of air tensing up
Those wings. Come down to Earth,
And it’s trapped again in clumsiness.
I chained myself to the idea of being free,
To drink and smoke and travel and see,
To the idea that when I get bored I’ll leave,
But I am trapped when I need to get that fix,
Then I’m caught again in other parts.
Caught in the fact that I still need,
Need to meet, need to see, need my fix
Of stimulation.

The ass is caught by the female ass,
A mysterious creature, on the Tibetan Plain.
His captor is the reason he must fight,
With the other males, over the scraggy grass,
So she’ll be his too, she is the mysterious
Other to which he cannot escape.
I chained myself to the idea of
Your beauty and your undying love,
At first sight, I was yours and you were mine
I caught myself with golden chains,
On my ring finger and on yours.
I got caught up in your entrapment too,
Your ideas of house and car and money,
Which I sought out and gave to you.
And the moment I merged with my mysterious other,
Ah! No trap, I’m here I’m free,
But only hours took her away from me,
I chose to be caught.

Playing with the stick, catching ants.
The monkey caught in its play, trapped by ideas
Of its social hierarchy,
Caught by its ingenuity,
Monkey runs, tiger bites.
Monkey is caught, neck and body
Dangle, between Tiger’s jaws.
I chained myself to my religion,
Words, and structures, and songs, and pictures,
Symbols of life and death, in the past and future,
But never now, never happiness now,
Always attaining it
At some point in the future.
Chained to guilt, to the idea that
I’m a worthless piece of dirt and
I must exert myself, in this life,
The greatest trap, being good, or being guilty,
To rid myself of my ego, the biggest ego trip.
I toyed with the idea of being trapped in some other
Religion, dancing bells and incense smells,
Sages and gurus, but I’m still looking for some other
To tell me what to do, I caught myself in that one.

The elephant, caught in its own body,
Lumbering, plodding, forever eating
And forever searching for snacks of grass,
Eating the trees, and eating the bushes cover in thorns,
Twenty lions claw it down in a pitch black night,
They are caught by its blood.
I chained myself to the idea of myself.
I feed this body snacks of meat and fruit,
Snacking here snacking there,
I’m caught in never ending hunger, and thirst.
This body falls apart, I’ve seen it happen,
I need to get it going, keep it strong,
Need the exercise, the food, the medicine,
Just in case, in fact I know it will rot,
I’ve got slight pains and feelings of tightness,
And I am caught by it, I must keep it well.

The squirrel hides away its nuts,
Clever squirrel. A hundred nuts dotted around the forest,
It knows where each one is, or close enough.
The weasel, scurries into the squirrel’s hole.
Out it pops, with a dying squirrel in its mouth.
Trees don’t care, those nuts were going down there anyway.
I chained myself to the money.
Not that I ever had much more than a few nuts,
Meager in fact compared to what my other wanted,
Meager in fact compared to what others had burrowed in their holes.
Stuffing money in their cheeks, I was caught in the idea of
Saving my pennies for a rainy day, but in the end I just had pennies.
Trap of traps, you can get into many traps if you’re successful in this one.

The plankton’s superconsciouness is the diffuse and powerful Mind in the sea,
You may say the tiny phytoplankton doesn’t feel, and isn’t worth crying over,
Yet, it is.
Yo! Tiny animals of the sea, eaten by baby fish, eaten by weird octopi, jellyfish,
crabs, corals, squids, whales, and even by other tiny animals. Trapped in the ocean,
Caught in the swirl of unknowing, caught by the hole rather than the net. Back into the
Ocean with no escape.
Chained in a million different ways,
The girl shoots up, and puts the needle in her arm,
The boy is respected by friends who respect his team,
Shooting up is her trap, shooting is his trap.
Death is also a trap,
Don’t get caught on the idea of escape either,
Because you’ll just come back.

A million traps, a million chains,
I chose this world, I chose this life,
Before I was born, I chose everything,
And I did everything, even the people around me
Even you, My treacherous Love, I wanted you
To torture me, to trap me, and I enjoyed it.
But I didn’t do anything, it wasn’t me, it was

Hide and Seek

21 01 2014

On one side of the knife or on the other?

In the forest, you hid and i had to find
I counted and ran, I found the river,
Rocks covered in blood and the necklace I gave you,
And rushing water, over jagged cliffs.

Not knowing the truth,
Is the worst fate.
Did you play a trick on me,
Laughing somewhere?

Playing with death,
Toying with total loss,
Don’t play this game.

Yet you love to, you love to imagine
Hiding in your play of death,
Imagining me searching like a lost child,
Fear is play for you, and I take it seriously,
I hear you laughing now, but from where I still don’t know.

You paint stars you paint snowflakes, you paint ideas of my face.
You love to create, you love your fantasy,
Hide and seek, just a game.

You’ve gone into your fantasy,
And in so doing, abandoned me.
I’m still here in paradise,
Still not knowing whether you’ve gone over the edge,
Whether you’ve forgotten about the prank,
Or whether you are forever gone.

Now is the only moment,
Now is fresh,
Play a prank on me,
Come back and laugh and
Tell me it was just to make
Me realise my insane love for you.

Fate is either a laughing joke,
Or total death,
Which side of the kife did you fall
My Darling?

I’ll tell you something though, my Darling,
Now is all that counts,
If you are still with me this moment,
This moment lasts for 20 years,
If you really have gone over the edge,
If your laugh turned to malice,
If you played the game of death,
And took it for real,
You may come back
To find, no one here,
That your fun fantasies of your mind,
Of me still here as you left me,
Also gone,
Joining in, with your game of death,
Playing it, and then playing it for real.

If in this moment you are not with me,
Except in your fantasies,
It turns into two moments,
And then into years,
And Time is a death that we don’t see.

So if you are with me now,
And just playing “hide”
With blood and shock, for fun
Fine, you know you’ve won.
And you have me hoping you’re not gone.

But if you’ve fallen on the other side,
How sorry I am, that there is no return,
If you’re heart’s in some other place now,
That “now” is twenty years, and
Twenty years is more than death.

Please don’t play this game so well,
Because I cannot find,
I was never the fastest, never the best,
And if I don’t find you soon,
I will also hide,
So far you will have to sacrifice
Everything in order to find.

Which side of the knife have I fallen on?
On or off, light or dark?
Found or forever lost?
Death or life?

Not knowing the answer,
Makes the game worth playing,
Not knowing the truth,
Makes me a seeker,
But it also makes me mad.

The truth though,
I know.
You came to me in a dream,
You didn’t seem,
To know yourself, or where you were,
But I know you for you,
And I know you are here in this moment,
And every moment,
Inevitable, unavoidable, holding tight,
Though you’ve made me think and doubt,
Though you’ve put fear in me,
That you might not be all right,
Made me wonder who you are, and what you are
And what you really want,
I’ve met the real you, I found you,
And I know. And I have found you.


18 01 2014

I got lost today …
I lost myself and lost all sense of time and direction
In the harsh sounds of a merciless city
Whose money stares at me through pitiless headlights
Knives concealed under lustful eyes.

I am lost to you in a lifeless world of traffic
All of which comes from nowhere, and to nowhere
Returns somber, and hostile
I’m lost from you, My Love, in places I don’t recognize,
As the rain pours down outside I carry on with hope
That this bus will take me somewhere, so long as it
Keeps moving, in this starless night, only cloud and
Obscurescence, movement keeps me alive.

You loved me infinitely, you said, so find me
As I move further and further towards the infinite
Where there is no time, no space, no sound,
I remember first seeing you, standing in front of the ocean,
A background of infinity, backing up those green eyes.
In the deep, deep green, I know you never left me,
I am just beyond, just around the next turn,
Where the darkness seems to choke and repel
I am moving, and I imagine that you are close.